Free & Fast Delivery?!?!?

The Ads
Ok, Is it just me that finds we have gone just a wee bit over the top in the form of advertising these days? Everywhere I look, I see Ads. I buy a computer choked to death right out of the box with tons of interactive crap-advertising. I walked into the kitchen @ 6:45 am to fix a bowl of cereal and when I pour it, out pops a 3X5 index card shaped ad in my bowl! Whatever happened to cool toys?!? My Water bill comes in an envelope with an AD printed on the back of it! Hell, I’m absolutely amazed that I don’t have to wipe my fanny with TP imprinted with personal hygiene ads!!! When did we become SO complacent that we allow these media giants to cram all this down our throats? I guess it has happened so slowly, the mass integration of advertising into every aspect of our lives, that we didn’t realize it was happening. Well today, I did!

The Deal
Here I am, in a meeting trying to close the deal on a mega application development project we have been courting for a lifetime. I mean one of those deals you have to WORK for. The days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and a year later, we are all sitting around the table with the decision makers justifying our proposal as the finalists. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, my phone starts blowing up. And obviously it can’t display just a normal number that you would immediately send to the "Don’t ****ing Bother Me" folder, but instead... an OFFICIAL looking number. Ya know, one of those that you sit there for a second thinking, "I KNOW this number!" and something compels you to answer it no matter HOW much you try to convince yourself to just send it to voicemail.

The Sin
So I did it, I committed the cardinal sin of sales meetings. While the CEO, CFO and CIO were mumbling about money and contracts and databases amongst themselves, I figure I would pull my best "answer and swoop" as I planned to sneak out into the hall like a delta force ranger for a brief moment, for fear I would miss this important call. So I do what everybody does and press the answer key under the desk to stop the annoying buzzing sound from my phone being set to vibrate. I mean, hell, they will wait until I can get out of the door right!?!?

Thin Crust or Deep Pan
Just as I hit the Answer button I realized my mistake. I not only hit answer, but I hit the speaker phone button simultaneously; Uh-Oh... Now before I finish my story, you have to get the full visual and understand the magnitude of this unfortunate situation. I am a hard core metal-head. I have an iPhone. iPhones tend to be quite loud when you have the volume "krunk" to eleven. Apparently as I pulled into the office early this morning I had been headbanging in traffic to Alien Ant Farm's "Smooth Criminal" remake and forgot to turn my volume back down.

Back to the situation at hand. As I press the answer key and inadvertently invite everyone in the room into my would-be covert conversation, at full volume we all hear, "Welcome to Dominoes where we have specials ALL through the month of February! Please try one of our fresh and delicious...." - you all can imagine the rest.

The Response
While I am scramble trying to silence this absurd interruption and attempt to think of HOW I am going explain this away as some new iPhone application I downloaded the night before, the whole room stops in sheer aggravation and looks dead at me. If I would have had a gun, I would have handed it to the President with the barrel pointed directly at me. NO EXCUSE for what I had just let transpire. And then, as if by some miracle my dane bramage had rubbed off on the president, he responds with, "Dane, If you can tell me how to get those idiots to stop calling ME as well, we have a deal!!"

Dane Bramage, we ALL have it from time to time!