Ninjas, They're EVERYWHERE!!!

Ok, seriously though... WHERE THE HELL are my New pair of SOCKS?!?!??!? I mean, I personally walked them to the Washing Machine, and then escorted them the remaining 1.3 feet of their journey into the Dryer. I hit the Auto-Dry button as always, closed the door, removed the sawdust from the little trap thingie, and within 30 short minutes, The dinger goes off, i go to pull my BRAND NEW socks out of the dryer and one is GONE. Not misplaced, but GONE. Poof... Like a little dane-bramaged midget navy seal ninja-gnome crawled up the exhaust vent dressed in a "Lint Gilly-suit", with night vision and stole my damn NEW SOCK... (Charlie Copy Bravo, We have the package, I repeat, we HAVE the PACKAGE... 0-800 to L.Z. 3 for extraction, over)

And while we are on the subject, are these same "sock ninjas" the ones who mysteriously travel my route to work in the middle of the night for the sole purpose of finding and removing 30 pound plugs of asphalt out of the surface streets just because they know I’m gonna hit the chasm they left behind the very next morning!?!?! If any of you see one of these little sneaky guys on the way home from the club this weekend, please stop and kick the little bastard in the ding-ding for me.

And please somebody give me the address of the BEER ninja that covertly slides through my house and grabs my beer from where I sat it down, and moves it to the most bizarre location on the entire compound, only for to me immediately find it AFTER I just opened a fresh NEW beer.

And WHO seems to think its funny to randomly throw 4-7 guitar picks in with Every load of laundry we do around here?!?!? I mean, you have NO idea how crazy it is to find a random, green, Dunlop Tortex guitar pick in your dress shirt pocket. OBVIOUSLY not the pocket it started OUT in... It’s one of those odd things that taunts you until lunch, I swear!!!

Friends, Y'all be careful, please. There are definitely shenanigans afoot and I don’t like it ONE BIT!